Most people are aware of the gender pay gap, i.e., the statistical bummer that men still earn more than women. However, most people aren’t aware that such gender discrepancies also extend to the bedroom. In recent years, studies have found that there are massive discrepancies in the frequency of orgasms between heterosexual men, heterosexual women, and queer men and women.
In 2017, a study was published entitled “Differences in Orgasm Frequency Among Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, and Heterosexual Men and Women in a U.S. National Sample.” The study was based on an evaluation of the sexual habits and orgasm frequencies of adult heterosexual men, heterosexual women, gay men, bisexual men, lesbian women, and bisexual women.
Heterosexual men were found to orgasm most often during sexual encounters, while heterosexual women were least likely to orgasm during encounters. The following is an overview of the frequency of orgasms:
- Heterosexual Men: 95%
- Gay Men: 89%
- Bisexual Men: 88%
- Lesbian Women: 86%
- Bisexual Women: 66%
- Heterosexual Women: 65%
According to this study, there’s a startling difference between the frequency of orgasms between heterosexual men (95%) and heterosexual women (65%).
It’s worth noting that the ability to have an orgasm isn’t necessary for a healthy and fulfilling sexual experience or relationship.
The orgasm gap, also known as orgasm inequality, is a term coined to represent the disparity in orgasms between men and women. It’s worth noting that the ability to have an orgasm isn’t necessary for a healthy and fulfilling sexual experience or relationship. Plenty of people enjoy fulfilling lives without orgasms. However, it’s worth exploring the factors that make it more likely for men to experience orgasms than women.
This article explores techniques to bridge the orgasm gap.
Causes of the Orgasm Gap
The fault for the orgasm gap doesn’t lie with penises, vaginas, or any individual man or woman. The fault lies primarily in cultural expectations and traditions.
Historically, sex has been riddled with misconceptions, promoted as a primarily procreative activity for the sole purpose of conceiving children. Other forms of sexual intercourse, such as oral sex, anal sex, and oral clitoral stimulation, have been lambasted as immoral. We have now moved beyond such puritanical values and most people now openly embrace sex for pleasure — not just procreation. However, while we’ve learned to embrace sex for pleasure, we still place a strong emphasis on penetrative sex.
Due to our culturally established ideas that sex is the insertion of a penis into the vagina, women are less likely to experience orgasms. Most people use the terms sex and intercourse interchangeably, as if all other forms of sexual expression weren’t valid. Clitoral stimulation and oral sex are often classified as “foreplay” rather than sexual experiences in the own rights. Furthermore, we emphasize vaginal penetration, which favors male orgasms, instead of clitoral stimulation, which favors female orgasms.
Another hangover from our puritanical past is the assumed “end” of a sexual act. Traditionally, since sex was associated with the act of procreation, the act was deemed to be complete once the male individual deposited semen into the vagina, i.e., once the man had an orgasm. Female orgasm wasn’t deemed unnecessary because it didn’t contribute to procreation. As such, even today, men consider the sexual act complete after ejaculation, regardless of whether their female partners have orgasmed as well.
The following is an overview of other potential causes for the existence of the orgasm gap:
- Women are judged more harshly for wanting casual sex than men.
- Sex education generally focuses on abstinence or procreation — not female sexual pleasure.
- The lack of awareness of the clitoris’ crucial role in female orgasms.
- Little-to-no training in sexual communication, which is essential for female orgasms.
- Body-consciousness and lack of self-esteem, which can come in the way of experiencing true pleasure.
Bridging the Orgasm Gap
In the study mentioned earlier, certain trends and patterns emerged while studying women who orgasmed less frequently compared to those who orgasmed more frequently. Based on those findings, the following are some tips to help women experience orgasms more frequently:
- Expect more oral sex and clitoral stimulation
- Increase the duration of the sexual experience
- Focus on methods to improve the overall quality of the relationship
- Openly discuss what you want in bed
- Praise the sexual partner when they do something correctly
- Drop hints about what the sexual partner should do
- Explore new sex positions
- Explore anal stimulation
- Discuss sex fantasies
- Express love during the sexual experience
Understand the Clitoris
In male bodies, the penis serves multiple purposes — urination, procreation, and pleasure. However, in female bodies, all of these purposes are distributed amongst different orgasms. The clitoris is the seat of ultimate female pleasure, making it key to female orgasms. Less than 10% of women can orgasm with vaginal penetration alone; most women need clitoral stimulation or penetration to reliably orgasm. As such, women should teach themselves (and their partners) about clitoral stimulation.
Clitoral Stimulation with Sex Toys
Developing a theoretical understanding of the clitoris isn’t enough to achieve consistent orgasms. Women must explore their bodies openly and without shame to discover their erogenous zones and seats of pleasure. Each woman is unique — as such, clitoral stimulation techniques that may work for someone else may not work for you. That’s why it’s important for women to discover their own bodies to accurately instruct their sexual partners.
In recent years, numerous clitoral-focused sex toys have arisen to help women achieve orgasms regularly. Clitoral sex toys focus on clitoral stimulation to help you achieve regular orgasms and bridge the orgasm gap. Clitoral suction vibrators, such as Biird’s Obii, use air pressure to deliver sonic pulses into the clitoris. These sonic pulses vibrate the entire clitoral structure, thereby helping women achieve orgasms within minutes.
Once you understand your body, you can more accurately guide your partner to help you achieve better orgasms.