Recently, we found a fairly disturbing article online titled “my wife is cheating on me with a vibrator!” Piqued by that bizarre strange title, I clicked the link and started reading. The article seemed to have been written by a 32-year-old banker who claimed his wife was cheating on him with a vibrator. Throughout the article, he detailed the numerous instances in which he had caught his wife using a vibrator for pleasure and how it made him feel betrayed.
The article's writer was deeply troubled by the simple fact that his wife enjoyed achieving sexual pleasure outside their marriage, even from an inanimate object. The writer also claimed that the vibrator was a tool designed by Satan for his children. Despite the strangeness of that claim, it was clear that the writer’s hurt was real. It was also unnecessary, derived from the belief that he had to compete with a machine for his wife’s pleasure.
Unfortunately, that story isn’t isolated. Going through articles online, I could find numerous communication threads where individuals claim to feel betrayed upon discovering their partners use sex toys, watch porn, or, in some cases, even masturbate. It’s almost as if an individual must completely and irrevocably surrender their sexuality, an intrinsic part of their self, to their partner upon entering into a relationship. But love, pleasure, and sexuality don’t have to be so restrictive. You don’t have to compete with a sex toy — instead, you can use the toy!
This article highlights why your girlfriend (or wife, boyfriend, husband, partner, or significant other) using a sex toy should not, does not, and cannot constitute cheating.
Your girlfriend can’t cheat on you with a sex toy because a sex toy isn’t a person
Let’s start with the most basic concept of cheating. In a partnership, cheating can be defined as one person going outside of the relationship to get their needs met. This can be physical, emotional, or sexual needs. In some cases, cheating can also be defined as one person lying to their partner about their whereabouts or what they are doing.
Some people may consider cheating to be any form of deception or betrayal in a partnership, whether it is physical, emotional, or financial. This could involve anything from sharing intimate details with someone outside of the relationship to having a sexual affair. Trust is a key element in any relationship, and when that trust is broken, it can be very difficult to rebuild.
The definition of cheating can’t extend to sex toys because of one important fact — sex toys aren’t people! Sex toys don’t have independent thoughts and feelings. Sex toys are tools your partner may use to achieve sexual pleasure, with or without you. Since sex toys don’t have autonomy, your girlfriend can’t cheat on you with the object.
But what if your girlfriend is solely relying on sex toys to have their needs met? If that’s the case, your primary problem isn’t that your girlfriend is using sex toys — it’s that you don’t have a sexual relationship anymore. Instead of blaming the sex toy, it would be more useful to have an honest conversation about the state of your sexual relationship with your partner.
Your sexuality belongs to you, and you can sometimes choose to share it with others
In traditional relationships, an individual’s sexuality is viewed as a commodity that can be exclusively bought. According to traditional notions, individuals (specifically females) must surrender their sexuality to their partners. Women are expected to only derive sexual pleasure through intercourse with their partners and not through masturbation or sex toys. This is a fairly restrictive view of sexuality.
In truth, your sexuality is an intrinsic part of your personality and identity. You can’t just lock it away or give it to someone else exclusively. You may choose to share your sexuality with your partner until you choose, and that access can also be revoked. You can also access your sexuality without your partner. And indeed, even if you’re in a committed partnership, it’s healthy to masturbate frequently because it helps you stay in touch with your body.
Trying to prevent your girlfriend from accessing their sexuality via masturbation or sex toys is not much different than trying to control their thoughts. Besides being impossible, it’s simply not healthy for any relationship.
Sex toys are scientifically designed to deliver clitoral stimulation in a way the human body can’t
Sex toys like vibrators, dildos, and clitoral stimulators are specifically and scientifically designed to do things the human body cannot. Clitoral stimulators, for example, can stimulate the clitoris, which is the seat of pleasure in the female body. Stimulating the clitoral tip can induce the most powerful and full-bodied orgasms. Most women can only achieve orgasms through clitoral stimulation — not vaginal penetration.
Namii is an exciting new clitoral sucker that delivers sonic pulses that can vibrate and shake the entire clitoral structure — not just the visible tip. The human body literally can’t stimulate the clitoris similarly because most of the clitoris remains under the surface. If you prevent your girlfriend or wife from using sex toys, you are preventing them from enjoying the most powerful orgasms their bodies can produce.
Instead of competing with an inanimate object, use it as a tool to enhance your mutual pleasure
You don’t have to compete with an inanimate object, such as a sex toy. Instead, you can use sex toys as tools to heighten your pleasure, improve your trust and relationship, and make you feel more connected as individuals. After all, sex toys aren’t people — they’re tools. Instead of accusing your girlfriend of cheating, perhaps ask them how they like to be stimulated, and then use the sex toy to help them achieve orgasms!
You can also gift your partner a sex toy to show that you care about their sexuality. After all, love and pleasure should always be selfless and kind.