For most people, an orgasm is the final goal of a sexual experience or masturbation. Some people dream of someday having a powerful orgasm. And others go to difficult lengths to deny or spoil their orgasms. Yes, that’s correct; some people actually derive pleasure from ruining an orgasm. If you’re curious about ruined orgasms, why people engage in this practice, and how to engage in this practice, you’re in luck — we spill the details.
What is a ruined orgasm?
A ruined orgasm is a sexual practice prevalent in the BDSM community, though it can also be tried in other scenarios. The dominant individual gets the submissive individual extremely aroused, and just as they’re about to orgasm, the dominant individual leaves the submissive hanging or with low-quality orgasms with minimal sensation. While most people want to achieve 10/10 powerful orgasms, a ruined orgasm is about delivering a low-quality 1/10 or 2/10 orgasm.
The term “ruined orgasm” refers to the intentional act of ruining an individual’s orgasm, but it can also happen accidentally. In fact, most people have experienced ruined orgasms of different degrees at different points in their lives. Let’s say you are revving up your engines and are about to orgasm when someone walks into the room, or you receive a phone call from your mom. In that case, your orgasm might be ruined. Technically, that’s a ruined orgasm, but you might not eroticize the experience.
Some people, however, love those moments of ruined orgasms. The act of ruined orgasm is particularly common when the female partner is the dominant individual, and the male partner is the submissive, but it can exist in any permutation or combination of genders and sexualities.
What does a ruined orgasm feel like?
Now that you know what a ruined orgasm is, you might wonder what it feels like. Well, as mentioned previously, most people have experienced ruined orgasms at different points in their lives. You might not remember the specific instance because you may not have eroticized the experience, but if you think hard enough, you may find such instances. Perhaps someone ruined your orgasm by calling you at an inopportune moment? What did that experience feel like? That’s your ruined orgasm!
But in most cases, the primary eroticism of a ruined orgasm comes from the emotional components — frustration and disappointment.
Physically, the sensation of ruined orgasm is like blue balls for male individuals. It’s like an orgasm without a powerful release, making the experience feel slightly anticlimactic. You might even feel a little discomfort because you experience the contractions of an orgasm but without the pleasurable release. But in most cases, the primary eroticism of a ruined orgasm comes from the emotional components — frustration and disappointment.
Emotionally, a ruined orgasm can feel unsatisfying, frustrating, or even disappointing. When engaged as a part of BDSM, the dominant partner might also humiliate or distract the submissive partner from ruining their orgasm, so it entails a component of humiliation, which some individuals find erotic. The submissive partner might feel like they have no control over their body or sensations, which can further add to the erotic nature of the ruined orgasm.
To most people, the physical and emotional sensations of a ruined orgasm can seem far from desirable. But to an individual who genuinely enjoys the experience, it can be deeply pleasurable. Some individuals fetishize ruined orgasms. And some individuals like feeling like they have to “earn” a good orgasm, something that the dominant partner can only permit for good behavior. It’s the tease-and-denial aspect of a ruined orgasm that gets some people going.
Is a ruined orgasm the same as edging?
People often assume a ruined orgasm is the same as edging, but that’s not true. There’s a clear distinction between a ruined orgasm and edging. The practice of edging involves reaching the point of climax, then stopping temporarily, then starting again, and repeating this on-and-off process until you can’t handle it anymore. Contrary to the goal of a ruined orgasm, most people engage in edging to make their orgasms even more powerful.
A ruined orgasm is about the arousal fading away without climax, leading to minimal pleasure. An edging session is about extending the window of arousal, culminating in an extremely intense orgasm. One is about minimizing pleasure, and the other is about maximizing pleasure. Both practices can be incorporated into BDSM experiences, but the goal remains distinct. You can also practice edging without a dominant partner, but a ruined orgasm is usually controlled by a dominant partner because it includes the component of humiliation.
How to deliver a ruined orgasm?
Step 1: Ensure you have your partner’s consent
Before engaging in any sexual activity, you must ensure you have your partner’s complete and enthusiastic consent. You need to clearly communicate your desires with your partner, ensure they’re completely on board, and set clear terms. You can only proceed with this type of sex play if both partners are equally willing and committed.
Step 2: Establish a safe word for the sexual experience
Sometimes, the words “stop” and “no” can become parts of the sexual act, so it’s important to establish a safe word that would stop all sexual activities for real. Your partner must have the freedom and ability to stop the experience anytime. You should also select words that you wouldn’t naturally use, such as “pineapple.”
Step 3: Tease your partner (if you’re the dominant)
If you’re the dominant partner, you can start teasing your partner to build up their arousal. Build up the sexual tension inside your partner’s body using various methods, such as language, foreplay, sexual stimulation, physical touch, and more. You can also start and stop the teasing to extend the play.
Step 4: Stop sexual stimulation when they’re about to orgasm
Just as your partner is about to orgasm, stop all sexual stimulation and movement. If your partner is touching themselves, you can also physically restrain them, preventing them from orgasming well. Your partner’s body might convulse, and they may release a groan of dissatisfaction, indicating that the orgasm has been ruined.
A ruined orgasm isn’t for everyone, and some people express bafflement when they hear of the concept. But if you’re curious about this act, you can discuss the terms with your partner and explore how it feels.