The Nest

How to Ask for Sex

Having trouble finding a way to tell your partner your needs?

The prospect of asking for sex can make some people uncomfortable. Even amongst long-term couples, there can often be some hesitation about how exactly to broach the subject of sex. Check out these pointers on how to show intimacy, share your passion, and make your move.

10 tips on how to ask for sex

#1. Compliment them

As simple as it may sound, breaking down barriers or breaking through the traumas of a long, exhausting day can sometimes be as simple as complimenting your partner. Compliments can start off as innocent and earnest as how they handled the obstacles of the day, how their patience paid off again, or how powerful they seem to you. As the mood lifts, and stresses erode, perhaps try moving on to their smile, their hair, their legs, and that beautiful place between their legs!

#2. Massage therapy

Whether to soothe after a long day or up the bar for your foreplay, massages can be a powerful way of expressing intimacy, appreciation, and desire to and for your partner. A massage to say you are in the mood can start as simply as taking your partner’s hand into your own…it is all about how you stroke and the pressure you use to say, more?

#3. Cuddle up

There is a reason cuddle dens have surfaced in some major cities, people want and need the intimacy and connection shared by cuddling up. Too, cuddling with your sex partner can be a wonderful way of leading them from a warm embrace to making their heart race. 

#4. Passionate Kissing

Kissing can be a powerful way of conveying your desires to your partner. A simple, affectionate kiss, followed by another, followed by another, and another - across their cheeks, lips, temples, neck and so on can convey a loving and playful mood. Likewise, deep, passionate, perhaps even strong kissing can convey an intensity of lust that shows your animalistic lust for them. 

#5. The Shower

The shower can be such a fun and provocative way of saying you wanna get it on! Maybe you catch a glimpse of your partner showering and decide to - subtly or seductively - remove your clothes and slide in beside them? Maybe you are showering and as they walk in, you decide to put on a show for them?…and let’s be honest visual cues can be a wicked powerful aphrodisiac! Or maybe you are both just in the shower to get ready for work, but hey, what’s to stop you from dropping down to your knees and showing them a little affection? And hey, if there is no time to finish, let it be a great prelude to finishing the job later…and let them know exactly that!

#6. Use your words

Most parents often give the sage advice, “you don’t get anything unless you ask for it.” Nuf Said. Whether using your words to express your sexual needs and desires or to ask how you can meet theirs, talking about your and your partner’s sexual needs is an important part of maintaining a healthy sex life.

#7. Message them

Up your texting game. Didn’t finish up together in the shower? Tell your partner how you plan to make up for that later. Remind them how sexy you find them, and do not slouch on the adjectives! Some also find it difficult to express themselves through speech and/or in person, feeling intimidated or shy to say how they feel or what they want. If you and your partner share a relationship wherein you can have direct dialogue through text, perhaps use that as a means to share what you are feeling and moreover what you are in need of. And although there are certainly some circumstances wherein an NSFW (not safe for work) image may not be acceptable or appropriate, there are other times that a visual cue can go a long way to showing exactly how turned on you are and/or exactly what it is you want to do with or to your partner.

#8. Surprise Gift

A fresh bouquet of flowers and chocolates may be the ideal way of setting the mood for expressing your affections, maybe a gift certificate or booking for a couples massage, or spur-of-the-moment escape? These can be seen as romantic gestures and ease you into feeling affection and arousal. On the other hand, there are other gifts that can be even more direct in saying you want and how you want it! Gifting a sex toy that either you or your partner have desired or been curious about can be a fun way of saying “it’s playtime!” There is a world of toys to explore, and half the fun here can be in selecting just the right gift to get you and your partner going. Not sure where to start? One fun new gadget to discover is Namii, Biirds new 2-in-1 suction, vibration clitoral stimulator made from ultra-soft silicone. Who knows it might just make your partner gush!

Namii Biird Best Gift 

#9. Pop on some porn

Both sexes love to watch pornography, and the belief that only the male sex enjoys porn is very outdated…though, as men get a great many of their sexual cues visually, it’s certainly a fun way to get them going! If you know a bit of what turns your partner on, or have discussed other forms or positions of sex they - or you both - want to try, look for pornography that fits those desires and change up your date night movie.  

#10. Play Dress Up

Dressing up for our partner’s desire can come in many forms. Naughty Nurse, Fireman, Fitness Instructor, Repairman, Stripper…these fun role-play characters can be a fun, sexy, laugh-inducing ice breaker that shows your partner you want to play and enjoy them. Likewise, sexy lingerie - for her and/or him - can be a fun way of showing off your sexiness and building arousal in you and your partner.

The key point to remember

Is that you feel open to expressing yourself to your partner and that you convey to them that you are open to their needs and desires as well. Sex is after all a conversation, a really great, great conversation.

About Author
Ellie Cooper
Ellie is a freelance writer and pleasure enthusiast. She is very comfortable talking about vaginas, scaling mountains and eating spicy food, but not parallel parking. She lives with a very tubby cat named Charles who likes to get involved with the writing process by sleeping on her keyboard.
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