In the world of film and TV, most people orgasm at the same time. R-rated rom coms often display their leads having amazing, mind-blowing sex and then orgasming at the exact time. Sure, that might sound exciting, but how real is it? Is it possible to orgasm at the same time? And if so, what techniques can you use to achieve simultaneous orgasms with your partner?
What are simultaneous orgasms?
A simultaneous orgasm is an act of climaxing or orgasming at the same time as your partner, or at least within a few seconds of each other. A simultaneous orgasm is different from a blended orgasm, which involves climaxing from two different parts of your body at the same time, such as the clitoris and anus. While blended orgasms can be achieved through masturbation, simultaneous orgasms are only possible with at least one other sexual partner.
What are the benefits of orgasming together?
Simultaneous orgasms can be a deeply rewarding experience for you and your partner. In most cases, simultaneous orgasms can only happen when both partners communicate openly and actively about their desires and wants. If you don’t communicate with each other, you won’t know how to moderate your sexual experiences to combine the orgasm. It’s only through open and frank communication that you can achieve a simultaneous orgasm.
Since simultaneous orgasms are predicated on open communication, the entire sexual experience already feels so much better. In order to orgasm at the same time as your partner, you have to put your partner’s sexual needs in front of your own. This means you may have to cool off when you’re about to climax, waiting for your partner to reach the same state and then continue again. As such, the attempt to orgasm together can bring you and your partner closer.
Additionally, simultaneous orgasms can make you feel physically, emotionally, mentally, psychologically, and spiritually connected and in sync with each other. That’s why simultaneous orgasms can be incredibly powerful and emotionally cathartic experiences.
Simultaneous orgasms — or orgasms, period — aren’t necessary for good sex
While simultaneous orgasms are certainly emotionally powerful, they’re also rare and difficult to achieve. When you’re sexually aroused, you move through four primary stages of arousal — excitement, plateau, orgasm, and resolution. Pulling yourself back from an orgasm is incredibly difficult, though you can practice edging to get better. If you or your partner can’t pull yourself back at the right time, you may not achieve a simultaneous orgasm.
Additionally, different individuals have different time periods within which they orgasm. Some may orgasm minutes into a sexual experience, and some may take a much longer time. Furthermore, some people also have trouble orgasming, in general. Forcing yourself to orgasm at the same time as your partner can add another layer of stress and frustration to what should be a pleasurable and relaxing exercise.
If you can comfortably and naturally orgasm together, that’s great! But you should definitely not place pressure on yourself to orgasm simultaneously, or even orgasm at all. Sex without climax can be just as fulfilling and emotionally satisfying as sex with orgasms. If you struggle with orgasms, you may want to engage in tantric sex or slow sex to better appreciate your body and its sexual desires and liberate yourself from the pressure to have an orgasm.
Having said that, the following are some tips to help you orgasm at the same time.
Tips to orgasm at the same time
#1. Don’t focus on having to orgasm
The only way to orgasm simultaneously is to take the pressure off the need to orgasm. The more you think about having an orgasm, the harder it will become. You don’t need to have orgasms to have a fulfilling sexual experience. Live in the moment, focus on your and your partner’s pleasure, and that will bring you closer to a simultaneous orgasm. Think of a simultaneous orgasm as a surprising bonus — not the goal.
#2. Learn your partner’s body language and sexual desires
If you want to experience a simultaneous orgasm, both you and your partner must understand each other’s bodies. You must understand how your partner looks, sounds, and feel at various stages of the sexual experience. This will allow you to maximize their pleasure and match your rhythm and sexual pleasure to theirs. Once you learn to read your partner’s body language, you can moderate yourself to stay at the same stage of arousal.
#3. Use lubricants to keep things smooth
If your female partner is experiencing vaginal dryness, you can use lubrication. And if you’re engaging in anal penetration, you should definitely use lots of lubrication. Even if your female partner is sufficiently lubricated, adding more lube can heighten the experience. You can use lubrication before and after sex to help your partner get closer to an orgasm. In addition to using lube, you can also finger your partner to make orgasming easier.
#4. Use sex toys for additional help and pleasure
You can introduce a sex toy into your sexual experience to heighten the pleasure. Some women struggle to orgasm with penetrative sex or oral sex alone. If your partner needs a little more help, you can use clitoral suction vibrators, such as Biird’s Namii, to induce deeper clitoral orgasms. You can also use vibrators, such as Namii, for vaginal orgasms and anal orgasms. Sex toys can heighten the experience and help you get closer to an orgasm.
#5. Synchronize your desires with your partner’s desires
You must synchronize your sexual arousal and desires with your partner’s desires. If you find yourself about to orgasm without your partner, take a little breather to focus on your partner, remove the source of stimulation, and get to the same level as your partner. And when your partner gets closer to an orgasm, you can also speed up your orgasm. Your partner must also focus on your desires to synchronize desires, which can help you orgasm together.
As mentioned earlier, simultaneous orgasms should always be viewed as an amazing gift — not the goal of your sexual experience. As long as you and your partner have fun and enjoy each other, that’s all that matters.