“Slow sex” improves your overall sexual experience, focusing on overall sexual enjoyment for all parties involved. Instead of focusing on an end-point for one individual, it focuses on helping everyone simply have a good time. Slow sex allows you to be more present with your partner, improving your overall experience together. It’s about appreciating the journey and not caring about the destination.
While the term “slow sex” has its roots in tantric sex, i.e., meditation as a form of orgasms, its mainstream manifestation is now a little more literal. As the name suggests, slow sex is all about slowing down the sexual experience, taking things at a gentle and deliberate pace with no rush to reach an endpoint. This article explores the concept of slow sex and helps you enjoy sex more.
Slow sex isn’t all about penetration.
Traditionally, sex is seen as a penetrative act wherein the penis enters the vagina. This is a heteronormative definition of sex with roots in procreation rather than pleasure — it doesn’t have much space in a modern context that also focuses on pleasure, queer relationships, and female pleasure. Slow sex is all about embracing the multitudinous conception of sex by going beyond penetration.
Slow sex starts when two (or more) individuals enter a collective space for a sexual experience with mutual consent. The initiation can be conveyed in looks, explicit statements, foreplay, or sexual contact. Basically, slow sex makes the idea of initiating sexual contact moot because the experience flows naturally and gradually. It gives everyone involved the time to slow down and explore each other.
Taking the pressure off immediate penetration also alleviates performance anxiety.
Foreplay is just as important as penetration.
In most sexual experiences, the foreplay is either ignored altogether or treated as a short lead-up to the main course — the penetration. Slow sex pays equal (or more emphasis) to foreplay compared to penetration. Furthermore, after you start penetration, you can also slow down and resume foreplay and then get back to penetration. Slow sex eschews a linear approach from foreplay to penetration to orgasm and embraces something more dynamic.
Doubling down on the foreplay transforms your experience of sex and understanding of each other’s bodies. The extra minutes you spend on a sensual massage, makeup session, or erotic bath get you primed for a better and more holistic experience. During the foreplay, you can also try feather play, nipple stimulation, or explore each other’s erogenous zones. Delaying the penetration increases anticipation and arousal.
The human body is a tinderbox of erogenous zones.
People focused purely on penetrative sex don’t realize that the human body is a tinderbox of erogenous zones. You may think your pleasure only comes from clitoral stimulation, nipples, or other parts of your genitals, but that’s incorrect. Stimulating other erogenous zones, such as the underarms, feet, fingers, thighs, abdomen, neck, and other regions, can be just as exciting. Slow sex allows you to explore your (and your partner’s) body better.
Mindfulness is essential for sexual fulfillment.
As mentioned earlier in this article, the concept of slow sex comes from tantric sex, i.e., using meditative and yogic practices to improve your sexual experience and orgasms. While you don’t have to devote yourself to meditation before sex, implementing dynamic mindfulness into your sexual experience can significantly boost the quality of your sex.
Try focusing your mind on your partner, engaging with them actively, and giving in to your mental fantasies.
Slow sex is about embracing the fact that the brain is a vital and powerful sexual organ. Try focusing your mind on your partner, engaging with them actively, and giving in to your mental fantasies. Slow sex isn’t about treating sex as a marathon or a competition at which you must outperform everyone else — instead, allow yourself to simply enjoy the ride, wherever it takes you.
Make the sex last longer.
Slow sex is, by definition, slow. If you have the time, give yourself all the time you need to extend the sexual experience. Penetrative sex usually concludes within 30 minutes, but slow sex has the potential to last several hours. Delaying the orgasm allows you to enter a languorous state with your partner, staying in the sweet sexual bubble for hours.
Bridge the orgasm gap and achieve mutual orgasm.
Studies show that the average man orgasms in 5 minutes, whereas the average woman orgasms in around 18 minutes. Due to this difference, men are far more likely to achieve orgasms during sex — 74% of men orgasm, whereas only 30% of women orgasm during heterosexual intercourse. Since it takes vulva-owners longer to orgasm, slow sex opens the possibility that both partners will orgasm together.
Take the pressure off orgasms.
Slow sex is particularly helpful for people who experience erectile dysfunction, early ejaculation, and other orgasm-related problems. If you simply engage in penetrative sex, issues like early ejaculation and executive dysfunction feel like failures, leading to potential self-esteem issues. However, since slow sex takes the pressure off orgasms, you can have a great time even if you don’t orgasm. Liberating the individual from the pressure of orgasms also increases the likelihood that they’ll orgasm better.
Slow sex helps everyone: men, women, and all gender-nonconforming individuals. Whatever your particular sexual preferences may be, slow sex is bound to improve your sex life.
You can even introduce our little bird to your new sexual bubble to spice things up!