Even in the third decade of the 21st century, we still deal with the hangover of our puritanical past. We know that female desire is real and that all women have individual sexual goals and desires. But despite that awareness, many people, especially women, still feel the need to hide their sex toys from their partners. In fact, recent studies have shown that 54% of all women hide their sex toys from their partners.
In 2023, that is an unacceptable statistic. You have no reason to hide your sex toys from your sexual partner! Your sexual partner should support your sexuality and encourage you to fulfill yourself with or without their involvement. The fact that you masturbate, with or without a sex toy, shouldn’t threaten your partner’s sense of self-worth. But far too often, people hide sex toys from their partners because of shame or to spare them discomfort.
This problem is particularly big amongst women, who still feel the need to play down their sexuality. One of the biggest reasons that women hide sex toys from their partners is because they’re concerned their partner may feel inadequate. Women are often socialized to put their male partners’ feelings above their own, and that leads to women hiding their sexual desires, which negatively affects their self-esteem, making them feel ashamed of something that should be viewed as completely natural.
This article explores why you shouldn’t feel the need to hide your sex toys from your partner.
You’re a sexually empowered person… own it
You’re a sexually empowered individual. Everyone has unique sexual desires that exist independently of another person. Even if you and your partner have an incredibly fulfilling sexual relationship, you’re still an individual with your unique desires and expectations. Like your thoughts and mind belong to you, so does your sexuality. Using sex toys for masturbation can be incredibly fulfilling and healthy, allowing you to stay connected to your sexual self, and tend to your desires without worrying about anyone else’s. You should never have to hide that part of yourself.
Your partner doesn’t own your sexuality
Far too often, relationships are seen as pursuits of possession, where the individual sexual identities of two individuals are seen to be completely merged as one. That’s simply not how things work. Even if you’re in a committed relationship, you’re also an independent sexual being. No one gets to own your sexuality, not even your partner. You may choose to share your sexuality with your partner, but they don’t get to own you. And if a relationship is to be open, trustful, and successful, your partner must understand that and respect your sexuality.
Healthy relationships are founded on trust
You don’t have to talk about using sex toys with everyone. You don’t have to discuss it with your colleagues, friends, or parents. But if you’re actively hiding your sex toys from your partner, especially one with whom you share a living space, that’s an indication that your relationship lacks trust. Perhaps your partner has said or done things to make you feel like you need to hide your sex toys, or perhaps the desire to conceal your sexuality comes from within. But if you and your partner don’t trust each other to talk openly about your sexual desires, that’s a problem.
If you enjoy using sex toys, you must have a frank and open discussion with your partner. You shouldn’t have to feel the need to conceal things within your bedroom, that too from the person you’re supposed to trust the most. If you’re still comfortable talking about sex toys, it makes sense to start small. Instead of directly telling them about your sex toys, open communication lines about sex in general, and then gradually build your way up to talking about your sex toys.
Sex toys shouldn’t be a threat to your partner
People often hide that they use sex toys from their partners because they believe their partners would feel intimated. What if they think they’re not good enough? What if they think I’m dissatisfied? What if they view my use of sex toys as cheating? Your partner must realize that your use of sex toys or masturbation doesn’t mean they’re inadequate. It simply means that you have your individual sexual desires, just as they do as well.
Instead of hiding your sex toys from your partner, it might help to engage them in a discussion. Inform them that you enjoy using sex toys. And if they ask questions or express concern, be honest and discuss why you enjoy sex toys. Some sex toys are specifically designed to do things that the human body cannot. For example, clitoral suckers like Namii can stimulate the entire clitoral structure and induce powerful orgasms, which no human can do.
Inform your partner about these aspects of sex toys and how they’re tools used to better explore your sexual desires. If your partner cares about your sexuality, there’s no reason for them to not support you.
You can even use sex toys together
Instead of hiding sex toys from your partner, you can even introduce them into your couple. Sex toys are the ideal tools to break out of a sex rut because you can try new positions and sensations with each other. And who knows? Perhaps your partner may also really enjoy the sensation of using sex toys, either on themselves or on you. If your partner enjoys using sex toys, you can possibly take your relationship to a completely new level!
If you want to hide your sex toys, that’s okay, too
You should never be ashamed of your sexual desires or hide your sex toys, especially from your partner. But if you’re still uncomfortable about discussing sex toys with your partner, that’s completely okay as well. Don’t force yourself to engage in conversations about sex toys if that doesn’t feel “right” to you.